As lovely as bone,
that's I dream to be.
With no more flesh than skin,
It will be as light as wind.
To myself I've promised,
no thanks, no more intake.
I've fed up with my reflection,
whose far from perfection.
As dreary as bone,
I know how my corpse would be.
But I couldn't stop it here,
nor do it alone.
P.S: I have no eating disorder. Author.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Choices
We are living in the age of choice but limited time. You can have anything that you want simply by choice, and for some who have privilege, it will be a lot of easier than the rest of pariahs.
But still, you don't have plentiful time to enjoy everything. Time is money, that's how we learn it since elementary school. That phrase influences our choices. Instead of choosing something which would take more time in process and taking yur precious time, you will choose one with less time in process. For instance, why bothering yourself by cooking lunch if you could simply take away from MC donald or make an instant food.
Therefore we grow to be instant generation, who choose instant food, instant star,instant lesson, even instant love. Why you have to make a long commitment if you could take simple quick one night stand love?
Shortly, we are afraid of having something that will take longer process and longer time of our life. We have many choices but we have no wisdom to do the best for it. I am trying to blame anyone here, but I just notice and eager to have some reply for your, Are you agree with this?
But still, you don't have plentiful time to enjoy everything. Time is money, that's how we learn it since elementary school. That phrase influences our choices. Instead of choosing something which would take more time in process and taking yur precious time, you will choose one with less time in process. For instance, why bothering yourself by cooking lunch if you could simply take away from MC donald or make an instant food.
Therefore we grow to be instant generation, who choose instant food, instant star,instant lesson, even instant love. Why you have to make a long commitment if you could take simple quick one night stand love?
Shortly, we are afraid of having something that will take longer process and longer time of our life. We have many choices but we have no wisdom to do the best for it. I am trying to blame anyone here, but I just notice and eager to have some reply for your, Are you agree with this?
To Woman: An Advice
You can be smart
but only in your part,
let men take the rest,
so they think they're the best.
No matter how hard you try
you still can't escape,
from harsh reality
that you're living in lie.
of you as the chaste one,
of you as angel in the house.
but only in your part,
let men take the rest,
so they think they're the best.
No matter how hard you try
you still can't escape,
from harsh reality
that you're living in lie.
of you as the chaste one,
of you as angel in the house.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Creative Writing Task (Metaphor)
Wind breezes gently from the south, caressing any object, dancing on its steady abstract tempo. Mortals could see nothing but wondering its beauty, imagining its long eternal journey, and counting how many lives that it had touched.
A leaf steadily fell from its tree, following the nature's music which was composed by wind. It has performed its task to give life to the tree and dropped to the ground with dignity of its short but beneficial life.
A tiny ant was running frantically on the concrete, driving by its natural instinct to find either food or nest. It seemed having no fear to step gigantic world with its micro feet. I wished I had little bit its gut to step the world. But I was too coward with my giant body while it was too brave with its micro body.
Concrete was staying still on its stillness, ignored by any living creatures which stepped on it. I wished I knew what it felt, thought, and story that it secretly kept for so long, about lives that had passed above it.
Butterfly wanders alone, leading by its instinct to find another nectar, captivating with its vigorous beauty, leaving envy feeling to any creatures who was condemned to live their entire life without light beautiful wings that it had. I was one of those creatures who secretly kept that envy feeling, condemning my own incapability to fly.
A leaf steadily fell from its tree, following the nature's music which was composed by wind. It has performed its task to give life to the tree and dropped to the ground with dignity of its short but beneficial life.
A tiny ant was running frantically on the concrete, driving by its natural instinct to find either food or nest. It seemed having no fear to step gigantic world with its micro feet. I wished I had little bit its gut to step the world. But I was too coward with my giant body while it was too brave with its micro body.
Concrete was staying still on its stillness, ignored by any living creatures which stepped on it. I wished I knew what it felt, thought, and story that it secretly kept for so long, about lives that had passed above it.
Butterfly wanders alone, leading by its instinct to find another nectar, captivating with its vigorous beauty, leaving envy feeling to any creatures who was condemned to live their entire life without light beautiful wings that it had. I was one of those creatures who secretly kept that envy feeling, condemning my own incapability to fly.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Time Capsules
Few days ago, I found that I had accidentally recorded my dad's voice in my MP4. My mom was hearing it while sobbing for nights. I knew that it would be nothing if my dad was still around but it became sort of sweet sad memory because he was not around anymore.
It made me thinking about human's habit. Sometimes, We regard things as precious or classic because it was happened long time ago. But it would be only sort of junk if it came from recent time. For example is Andy Warhol's time capsules. I guessed it would be no more than junks if he was still around now. But since hwe wasnt around, Christie's will give a lot of high bargain on that junks.
It made me reaching the conclusion, that human is a very exceptional creature who giving more appreciation toward junks than real life. We will lament about things that we had lost but giving no attention to what we have right now. How ungrateful we are, and I have to admit that I am the most ungrateful one.
We will put ourselves in sorrow because of losing our loved ones but giving no attention if they are still around with us. We will cry for bad things that we had said to our lost ones but never think twice to not saying bad things when they are still standing in front of us. I think it is why we are still called human and not machine. Because machine has precise calculation, they know about things ahead while we are guessing and making more mistakes. Machine is never lamenting things while we sink into our own self made sorrow.
Nevertheless, I really, really wanna try to say something good, so I dont have to have more regrets in my life.
It made me thinking about human's habit. Sometimes, We regard things as precious or classic because it was happened long time ago. But it would be only sort of junk if it came from recent time. For example is Andy Warhol's time capsules. I guessed it would be no more than junks if he was still around now. But since hwe wasnt around, Christie's will give a lot of high bargain on that junks.
It made me reaching the conclusion, that human is a very exceptional creature who giving more appreciation toward junks than real life. We will lament about things that we had lost but giving no attention to what we have right now. How ungrateful we are, and I have to admit that I am the most ungrateful one.
We will put ourselves in sorrow because of losing our loved ones but giving no attention if they are still around with us. We will cry for bad things that we had said to our lost ones but never think twice to not saying bad things when they are still standing in front of us. I think it is why we are still called human and not machine. Because machine has precise calculation, they know about things ahead while we are guessing and making more mistakes. Machine is never lamenting things while we sink into our own self made sorrow.
Nevertheless, I really, really wanna try to say something good, so I dont have to have more regrets in my life.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Speak Or Die
I recently watched this movie on Youtube and I loved it so much, despite the fact that I initially got interested just because I admire Kristen Stewart since twilight. But after I watched it, I got new perspective of life. The movie is about a freshman named Melinda Sordino who got raped by her senior in summer party. After the incident, she called police but couldn't speak any words about it. Therefore, all of her friends called her squeaker and isolated her. In the entire movie, she struggled to get her voice back. In the end, she could defeat her rapist and get her voice back.
I think it is a good one since the message that it brings is very grounded, about to get your own voice. Sometimes, my mind wandered to my early puberty age, as a social creature, we just love to blend to system which Conrad defined as The Knitting Machine. Living in safe anonymity, without even being noticed, denying our true identity, as long as you dont have to be different, as if it is something repulsive. The Knitting Machine can be anything, your peers, your social environment, or else which forcing you to be just like them. Like Melinda in beginning of movie who couldnt say a word about her rape just because she doesnt want to be different. Again, what is wrong to being different if being same like anybody will hurt you to the bottom.
Now, it is your turn. Do you want to be the same like other and kill you own self? Or say out loud to the world, Here me, I am different!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
In The Critic of My Cowardice
"Death is here
Death is busy
All around, within beneath
Above is death--and we are death"
Shelley
The poem above is perfectly describing the real condition of Palestinian people, especially in Gaza city after the invasion. Death is lingering everywhere there and vultures are having fiesta there. I dont know for sure about causalities there but one thing I know for sure, unaccountable. The world are facing World War III, human life is nothing but damn statistics. And you know what is the worst part ever from all this craziness, me, watching those slaughterings while crunching my diet snacks (combination of yogurt and things that you will throw up to but scientifically reduce your damn waist line.
You don have to assume why because I will boldly say it t you and the world, I am a selfish diet obsessed coward. i know that the invasion is totally wrong, injustice, brutal, etc. I knew that my heart told me to do something good. But my selfish conscious told me, "What The heck, it wasn't you who died anyway."
And I like you already knew or predicted, followed the later while shutting my ears and heart from the truth outside there, ignored the shrieking from my heart. I yelled to the world and myself, "What the heck!"
Because I know that I am just total nobody who has no power in this political scheme world. Moreover, I know that I am just a coward who just wants to live in safe line, living in the superficial world of illusion that I made by myself, while others fall in misery and injustice.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Confused City
After writing global stuffs that made my friends commented on it as "Whatever", I would like to put about local things here, about my hometown, Bekasi. If you were coming from far away country with limited geographical education to the ironic point that you even couldnt find Indonesia in world's map or you simply didnt have plenty time to notice every single city on wide Indonesia's map, I would like to inform you lil bit about my hometown.
It is located in West Java province or officially written so. But actually it is closer to Capital City of Indonesia, Jakarta rather than Bandung, capital city of West Java. It actually makes confused some of new Bekasi-ers when it comes to question whether they belong to Jakarta or West java province. Moreover, the native people of Bekasi are not Sundanese, the original tribe of West Java, but Betawi, the native people of Jakarta.
Besides the proximity and emotional link, unlike other cities in West Java that is dominated by Sundanese as trademarks, Bekasi are more like melting pot where almost every tribe in Indonesia gather.
As if it wasnt enough to raise identity crisis, globalism came to Bekasi with its cool ideas of improvement. Then came along industrialization with its negative and positive effects. The positive are the fact that Bekasi has plentier numbers of blue collar vacancies than other cities in Indonesia and easier access to communication, etc. But the negative ones are pretty much the same with carnal excess of industrialization in other countries. You simply can describe it as horrid model of third world country duplicate of London in the dawn of industrial revolution but with lil better condition of internet.
Authority of Bekasi declared it as clean, educated, safe as well honest city. I think if they werent fooled by themselves, they must be talking in irony mode. First, clean. I dont have much to say besides Bantar Gebang. There you barely can touch the ground since it is covered with two metre junks. Second, educated. Yeah right, then why there are many childrean left behind with limited access to education. Third, safe. Put your motorcycle unlocked in public area and count with stopwatch how long it will be safe there. Fourth, honest. Please come here and test how honest we are.
As conclusion, Bekasi is confused city.
But once you lived here, you know that there is no other city in the world that can sharpen you understanding about life. Living in confused city doesnt mean that you will be ended in it too. Instead, it gives you the truth about life as the way it is. I am not saying it as local who has necessity to brag her own homewtown but but it is the truth that I experienced daily.
It is located in West Java province or officially written so. But actually it is closer to Capital City of Indonesia, Jakarta rather than Bandung, capital city of West Java. It actually makes confused some of new Bekasi-ers when it comes to question whether they belong to Jakarta or West java province. Moreover, the native people of Bekasi are not Sundanese, the original tribe of West Java, but Betawi, the native people of Jakarta.
Besides the proximity and emotional link, unlike other cities in West Java that is dominated by Sundanese as trademarks, Bekasi are more like melting pot where almost every tribe in Indonesia gather.
As if it wasnt enough to raise identity crisis, globalism came to Bekasi with its cool ideas of improvement. Then came along industrialization with its negative and positive effects. The positive are the fact that Bekasi has plentier numbers of blue collar vacancies than other cities in Indonesia and easier access to communication, etc. But the negative ones are pretty much the same with carnal excess of industrialization in other countries. You simply can describe it as horrid model of third world country duplicate of London in the dawn of industrial revolution but with lil better condition of internet.
Authority of Bekasi declared it as clean, educated, safe as well honest city. I think if they werent fooled by themselves, they must be talking in irony mode. First, clean. I dont have much to say besides Bantar Gebang. There you barely can touch the ground since it is covered with two metre junks. Second, educated. Yeah right, then why there are many childrean left behind with limited access to education. Third, safe. Put your motorcycle unlocked in public area and count with stopwatch how long it will be safe there. Fourth, honest. Please come here and test how honest we are.
As conclusion, Bekasi is confused city.
But once you lived here, you know that there is no other city in the world that can sharpen you understanding about life. Living in confused city doesnt mean that you will be ended in it too. Instead, it gives you the truth about life as the way it is. I am not saying it as local who has necessity to brag her own homewtown but but it is the truth that I experienced daily.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The Confessions
For every mistakes that I had done
I hate to admit that I am merely human
Who's far from what they believe
This perfect human was mere vain
The grace that I show
THe greatness that I blow
Nothing stronger that sandcastle
Which would shatter after wave
They think I am kind of saint
But surely they will disgust
After realize my rotten heart
Which is covered by rust
I hate to admit that I am merely human
Who's far from what they believe
This perfect human was mere vain
The grace that I show
THe greatness that I blow
Nothing stronger that sandcastle
Which would shatter after wave
They think I am kind of saint
But surely they will disgust
After realize my rotten heart
Which is covered by rust
The Reflection Note
What are your grievances, mortal, that you give yourself up to this whinning and repinning? Why do you weep and wail over death?
Lucretius
In the dawn of 2009, I would like to make a reflection note about things which lingering my life very dearly, death. In my childhood, I barely knew the significance of this term. When my elder sister died due to dengue fever, (I was approximately seven years old at that time), I didnt know why my mom wept and fainted several times a day and why all of family fell into deep darkness which I couldnt comprehend. Moreover, I didnt know why I had to join in that. When I was bigger, I understood why they did such things. She wouldnt ever back. Death is the end of everything in your life and she was too young to end every step that she would ever commit someday in her life.
Death is the real marks of our lives. The harsh separation lines between your dreams and things that you could really fullfil in your life. I have to admit that death is kind of creepy thing to talk about and me, myself cant figure it out what if it occured to me. It realizes me that I wouldnt hang around in this world forever and soon or later, I should leave everything that I love here.
Nevertheless, It realizes me to do something in my short unpredictable life. Life becomes important because of its shortness. And doing something good in your life makes it sublime than ever. Now I try to see death with different way. I try to look at it as old pal that gonna greet me someday. And I hope, if someday it came for me, I had done amny good things in my life to make it more precious.
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